cherry - Monday morning, anyone?

August 18, 2008 - Monday morning, anyone?

I can't stop writing. I can't stop thinking. I want to stop thinking for 12 hours and I can't. I can usually stop thinking. Not good. I must be turning into one of those people that thinks they have to think all the time. Time for a bit of black-line-hypnosis, methinks. I'm still really sore in the lower back and torso from being very intense and lovey. And I'm going swimming. This is really going to hurt. This afternoon I'll need tiger balm all over my body. Well.... not ALL over my body....

I'm really looking forward to the Thursday night gig.

I've begun to really enjoy rehearsing and playing with singer-songwriter types, because it's interesting going through the process of communicating with them to find out what they want. Then when you come up with things that make their songs sound good, the look on their faces is worth all the crappy door deals in the world. Just so happens that Spike is my friend and I really super-duper double-dipped-with-chopped-nuts care about how the night turns out for her. She's been stressing. Being paranoid about irrational things. I think that people often make her feel stupid when she's like this. I make sure that I don't, because she clearly can't help being a fearful person, or she would. She's not an idiot. She's very intelligent and obviously has fears that she can't command. She's admitted this to me several times over beers and coffees and pub lunches in every imaginable location. I like listening to her. She asks me questions, and then really listens to the answers. She wants me to help and I want to help. Three days later she calls me again in a tizz, with a subconscious intent to make me repeat the reassurance. I don't know where her fear comes from. I've yet to work that out. We've become very close very quickly but I don't know everything yet. When I find out where the root of her fear is, I can be more help. The things I say right now are just band-aids, I suspect. I also hold back information about myself every time I see her, which makes me hate myself for at least 30 seconds every time I kiss her hello. We're in a friendship where she has entrusted me with painful personal information, and what she doesn't know is that it's only 50% returned. She's intuitive and perhaps can tell that I hold back on lots of things. I'm happy for her to only know about the tip of the iceberg with me, but that's not the way it should work. Her trust is not easily won by anyone. I'm really honoured that she trusts me so much and I make sure I don't abuse it in any way. Every time I give a question the prefix of "You don't have to answer this question if you don't want to, but...." , she always looks me in the eyes, and in hers, I see that there's a moment where she makes a decision to trust me, and she answers honestly. I admire people who answer questions in a way that is not just honesty with me, but honesty with themselves. There's no use having a deep and meaningful conversation with someone if you're too chickenshit to be real about everything you talk about. Some people just want sympathy and will lie about their situations to get it from me. Men above a certain age are more likely to do it than not do it.

I hope that yesterday's gig helped to reassure her. I had the five of us, including the Fiddler, together on the stage at my venue with a bit of improvisation going on (even on my part) and her songs sounded fantastic in an acoustic kinda way, which isn't always easy to do with songs like hers. I told the Fiddler to sight-read my transcriptions of the important parts of the songs, seeing as I had my hands full with the guitar. He played them on sight as he's trained to do, and Spike was amazed. I loved the look on her face. Fiddler is like a party trick. Heh, heh.

(Heheheheheheh.....)

I'm excited about the other band, too, because the lead singer, who I'll call Technicolour, finally showed up to my house on Friday morning as I was leaving for a rehearsal and gave me a CD of their songs. Months after asking me to join the band. She texted me at 8:30am this morning (yes, I was still in bed, which was fantastic, thank you!) asking me what I thought of the songs, which made me sleepily shake my head and do a nose-laugh, and I said I had been flat out rehearsing and gigging since I'd seen her and hadn't been home. I hope that kinda put things in perspective for her. I haven't been waiting around, hanging to hear from her... kinda thing. I was about to tell them to forget it so that I could concentrate on active projects. Or.... more like INACTIVE projects that should be very active.... i.e. my own stuff.

I don't know how I'm supposed to go to the States for a month and then come back and record stuff. Where's the money going to come from? I have a feeling that I'm doing that over-optimistic thing again. I make plans, with a solid belief that I will be able to make miracles happen in time. Then when miracles don't happen, I get disappointed in myself, for not being able to make miracles happen, when nobody (except me) expected it of me in the first place.

I am sitting on some money like a mother hen and I absolutely have to invest in some gear.

Yesterday I paid the support act too much money again.

I can't help it.

I'm going swimming. Then I'm going to visit him at work. I left my wallet in his car after the gig on Saturday night. He left his wallet at my place once. I opened it and laughed at his licence photo and then realised after 2.5 seconds that I was crossing the line between "cheeky" and just pure invasive.

You know what's sad? I have an urge to go to the bookshop and buy something I can really get my teeth into and exercise my imagination. But I've realised... what's the point buying a book if you don't have the time to read it?

August 18, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by sarai

monday morning you ask?
my monday mornings are filled with my lover and plenty of meyow, well not plenty, enough to keep us from going crazy, that's a better description.

Permanent Link

August 18, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by cherry

prrrrowwww ~ ~ ~ ~ !!!

Have some for me. I'm going to see mine now but he'll be in his office being all professional and shit.

Not a chance of leading him astray....

*pout*

Doesn't stop me trying though.

Permanent Link

August 18, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by sarai

mine is sleeping still, and if I don't go to bed I won't be awakes early to meet him online, monday mornings are the only time we can use web cams ;)

Want more, can't get it until Nov...well could but don't want it from others, just him :D

Permanent Link